Is it an age-old question: What makes you a friend? I have always been told to have a friend “Be a friend”. Well, in today’s world it seems that being a friend is definitely not like it was twenty years ago. Nope, it isn’t like anything my overly social generation is used to or truly expects at our age. Not that age has anything to do with it, or does it? Exploring the nuances of what being a friend means to me, you, or anyone, for that matter, is a much more complex, and somewhat controversial, topic. I am mean really!? If I ask that you sit back for 5 minutes and think about what or whom or where you and your friends are today, what would you see? What would you feel? Are you uncomfortable? How would you look at your life differently? Would you look at yourself differently? Why? All these questions and more, have kept me from sleeping in a content and fulfilled manner. I know it might sound like B-S, but truly I wonder what has happened to friends, me, the world we live in, the way we live, and the way we categorize ‘friend’.
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
I miss the days when I couldn’t keep up with all those who were friends in my life, the moments of fun, excitement, connection, laughter, and companionship. I have read several articles over the last few months, (you can too, I have added them in a link below), to see where or what is ‘different’ now. Most have great perspectives and poignant concepts but what if there is more. I am not trying to be a psychologist or look deeper than my own self awareness (which is deep and thorough), instead I am looking at what our cultures have become or are becoming. Marriage is no longer the vie of existence, as it once was, now we vie for attention, adoration, and ‘likes’. Oh the vanity of our society now. What does it mean for ‘friends’? Something special, classic, and necessary about being a friend, and someone being your friend.
Did you know that German’s have 7 different ways to say “Friend”? Freund, Kumpel, Bruder, Atze, Kollege, Busenfreund, and Alter. That seems amazing – dedicated words to the type of friend you are – to someone. I know in English we have adjectives we conjure up to describe our ‘bestie’ which is ‘a person’s best friend’. No kidding. Imagine seven ways to express the depth of your relationship, friendship, gratitude, commitment, or connection. Truthfully, I don’t know that I do have a hard time coming up with seven words to describe all different levels of friends in my life. Shocking how I feel more alone knowing there are so many levels or ways to describe a friend, but feeling like I don’t have anyone close enough to me that I feel like I am ‘a friend’.
Is there a bigger issue at hand here? As I mentioned previously, what is going on in our society where we are more connected (electronically) to the world than ever before, but we are starving for true connection to each other. This too has been written about in great lengths, I have read many articles on this topic to understand the gap. The gap is that we are so consumed by our phones, computers, tablets, and games that the deep connection we may be missing, seeking, or striving to maintain is that we forgot how to be a friend. Hell, back in my day when you wanted a friend (and didn’t know how to be a friend) you created an imaginary friend. I know it sounds ironic and funny, but when you think about it, today when we want friends we go to social media in search of a friend. I have found many friends via social media, however, the ones that have been friends for the longevity of my life – I met accidentally on purpose (destiny) and we saw each other for who we were at that moment – face to face. Yes, we can have friends in far away lands, where our only connection is through a social platform, but is that fulfilling your soul’s need for being a friend and finding a friend that is right next to you? There lies the gap. Between the goodness and the pain of being alone. In search of a friend, still.
Living insightfully 
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