What happened to me? What happened to my mind? What happened to my heart? What happened to my drive? What happened to my path?

The things that keep us pivoting forward are also the things that keep us alive in our hearts and minds. Over the years I have forgotten, or maybe just didn’t realize, how much power I put into the forward motion of my life. Yes, I know it comes without saying and without any pushing or acceleration. However, what many learn, later in life, which you can only learn – later in life, is that the faster you go, the more you can do, the more you can see, and the more you can experience…also means the more you may miss. You miss what really matters to you, or may be you really find what matters to you in a fast in furious manner. Either way, the lessons take time, and tons of energy to learn. Sometimes, you learn them, then become too tired to appreciate the value of their worth.

Now this isn’t to say that we cannot all learn and use what lessons we can before we reach a late stage in life, when it does not matter the lesson. I am thinking about the in between stage of life – lessons learned, growth, self-awareness, and self-reflection – now what? Is old age inevitable? What happens now? My mind doesn’t always seem to focus, my heart seems too broken to care most days, and my motivation seems to have run out of gas on the corner of 1st Avenue & Tired Street. I absolutely understand Garth Brooks’ lyrics “All my cards are on the table with no ace left in the hole, I’m much too young to feel this damn old“. Yes, I am too young, to feel old; too mature to feel young; and finally have the money to what I want – now I am too tired! But I am definitely too young to feel this tired. The irony!

Teaching ourselves to become self-sufficient people along our road is definitely how and why we have so many lessons learned, but also why we are so tired. Raising ourselves, then our children (sometimes our spouses) is exhausting, now add in jobs, school, climbing a career ladder, family obligations, friends, illness, travel, vacations, debt, homes, drama, entertainment, social activities, social media, etc.. (you get the big & little picture here). Nothing is unique, nothing is meant to be surprising or even an excuse – and it should never be – all these things are privileges of living of a great life. Truly. That is what I believe is the greatest gift I have learned from my life lessons. So here I ponder what has happened to the gumption to do all those things that ‘meant’ something in the stages of life, but seem to be missing now. Why? What has happened? Do we all find ourselves in a place that makes us wonder where we are going when we have accomplished all the things we wanted to. Do we just give up and give in? Are we supposed to? Why does no one talk about it? How much time goes by before we become obsolete? Is that the inevitable for us all? What is happening is what happens to us all – in some way shape and size.

But alas, what is happening today, will be happening tomorrow, next week, next month, next year…and so on. It will never go away, it would be great if it did (or would it – that is another blog for sure). If I find a new engine to drive me through the next stages of life lessons to continue learning and passing on wisdom (or whatever we want to call it). I will make sure to share those insightful snippets of life…until then, keep smiling and keeping wondering!