Is there such thing as a forbidden word? I know as a society we have sensitivities to the what words mean to others and the potential impact those words may have on perspectives about who we are as individuals. Interestingly enough, I believe I have one sanctuary in this world, my home. Where forbidden words can be openly and freely discussed or used. No judgment, it is my home. The only place I am truly allowed to be me, ME…not what my work environment expects, not my in-laws home, not my mothers, or even dinner at a fancy restaurant. My home protects me from being judged, or at least it should. Why are forbidden words used as a crutch to chastise or judge others? They are words, and the only meaning or power they have is what we as humans give them. Nothing more. I know this is why we have the 5th Amendment to the United States Constitution, Freedom of Speech. What does that actually mean anymore? As an adult, I struggle with being true to myself while maintaining an expectation of respectability. Ironically, my education, job status, or historically ‘clean’ record of love, kindness, and openness doesn’t matter. WHY? What have we become when in our own homes we could be so cruelly treated like we have crossed the road to rendition and commit the ultimate sin. I don’t believe in sin, that would mean I believe in judgment of outside forces or afterlife. My beliefs are not on the table for discussion, however, the judgment by others and the continued use of forbidden words that impact my sanctuary is. Forbidden words are in direct conflict with whom I am as an individual. Nothing in my world is taboo or off-limits, I don’t care about race, color, age, creed or gender. I am willing to accept and be accepted – regardless of the words used or said.
Is it POSSIBLE? To stay focused. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have heard it all. I was NEVER that person, I could focus on the most minuscule thing possible and never lose concentration. Today, bahhh-humbug. What is going on? Is it boredom? Has my brain finally given into the temptations of being distracted by EVERYTHING. I know, it is a huge ordeal at this time in society. Kids cannot focus on one specific thing unless it’s their phone, then it is everything about the phone. Too much stimulation? Again, what happened to us adults (or what we consider as adults)?
I have read that brain stimulation increases creativity. So, maybe I need to find a creative outlet? Should I paint? Should I do crafts? Plant a garden? Build a house? Wait, I can barely focus on doing minor tasks for work or school, how can I focus on the details of creating something? Sure, it could be more fun or it could be boredom; or worse, lack of actually caring. Could that be it? Lack of caring. Wait, that feels more consistent with what I think is going on. I don’t actually care about what is going on around me. Work? Yeah, what of it. Doesn’t stimulate any emotional need to do good. School? Yeah, well it doesn’t give the satisfaction that I am accomplishing anything, anymore. So, what is happening then?
There may be something to this lack of caring scenario. I have read, re-read and found numerous stories about regaining focus, A.D.D. and A.D.H.D, but nothing seems to make sense and they are repetitive (each stating the same thing over and over). However, none are a cure for those, like me, who just lost their desire to focus. I used to be on top of my game at work, loved being the “Go To” person for what needed to be done (and done right). Now I know what needs to be done but cannot seem to find the gumption to care if I know the answer or if it’s right by anyone standards. Now, I am seeing this, FINALLY, after sitting a room full of my colleagues that seem to be really focused on what we were working on and knowing the who, what, where and why we were discussing. While I was sitting there trying to remember how or why I couldn’t remember what I have learned and taught many others. Hence, my current state of what happened? It’s not a disease because I am not sick, forgetful, or blacking out in any way (not that any of these are diseases but self-diagnosis of what I see that could be an issue). A lack of emotional connection and self-realization about what is or may be driving my mind to find what is more important for me. Now, staying focused to find my true purpose. Hold the phone…there are squirrels in the backyard.